Is it being emotional a problem ?
like as if since young, we are like back up with the knowledge of how to control our temper ?
why not just ask the school to create a new subject - how to control emotions?
then maybe then I wont be able to like have control em' well ...
plus the thing that happen here, it is like as if ....
as if we are allowed to scream or yell back at our seniors ?
like as if we can ?
then, won't it be rude of us ?

try having ur uncle whom aint even close to you,
insult u like greatly in front of not only ur cousins and the rest of the aunties & uncles,
but also your bf ?
totally no face can, moreover it is over something that aint even ur fault ok !
all I am doing now, is just to voice it out to my brother ?
just hoping to get a listening ear and say it all out,
cry it out, which the way I choose to vent my anger and unhapiness on ?
the incident goes like this...

yst being guan yin's birthday..
after getting down chruch with kee to see a musical performance..
we headed to bugis to pray as well as for lunch,
the crowd was freaking pack that you need to squeeze ur best in and out...
so maybe somehow that is how I get that freaking stain? or smell on one side of my shoulder?
then back home,
I was like happily chatting away with my aunt and cousin...
chatting away when my uncle came to see my granny !!!
he is like ,
out of no where,
ask whr is my sister..
then after which know she is working then say why didnt I work ?
like duhs, as if i could when I only left with two wks of holidays ...
moreover, how to get a part time job for such a short span of time.
not impt..
then he seems to find all faults at me !
like as if he is damn great can !
the moment I happened to sit beside him,
he took this chance and yelled at me..
and confronting me about gg out and that foul smell coming for me...
like please, it is not just that small part frm my shirt..
it is from granny too,
she had fall down and injury her head,
she haven bathe well since then,
old people cfm will smell abit?
like he simply just dont dare to yell my granny
so he yell at me ?
what the hell man....Oooooooommmmmgggggg can !
then scream at me ask me to get home and better have a clean bathe !
freak !!

then I realized I totally lose all my face,
practically all those in the living rm..
which consist of my cousin, my aunties, uncles, and bf?
shit right ?

then today he is like for nothing glare at me ??
then just ignore me when I called him..
when ask to open and lock the door,
he didnt even called my name but just an "Aaa" to do the job ?
hello, you think you senior then can just be so idiotic ?
what fcuk can !

you totally suck,
a bad senior..
you think you smell good with all the cigar smell ?
you stink worser than how I smell yst can.
just that I respect you as my senior and didnt want to fight you back.
but guess,
from now.. YOU WORTH NONE OF MY RESPECT !

the worse was,
emo-ness overtake me and I cried...
while complaining to my brother,
jus not that I am sensative...
but it is seriously bad when U had such an uncle.
worse still,
mum saw me crying and confronted me to tell her the real reason why I cried.
then she scolded me for thinking too much saying his brother face is like that..
and saying critism in front of my cousin they all is alright,
moreover, it is my bf.
hello it is my face.
my dignity can, they just dont understand.
then today, he came again and showed me faces ?
then scrutize me abt the job thingy again for being back home like AGAIN and slacking with my bf ? like as if he know what I do back home. shitty !
then she say she dont believe n wanted to call my uncle to see what goes on,
if I lie, she is gg to can me !
arghs. like fcuk.

then cause of it,
my brother just told my mum,
she didnt wan to say now that you have force her to say..
you scolded her for keeping crying.
why cant u just give her some space.
it is alright to cry.
cause of it, they quarrelled.
my wrong . my bad. fine.

i know, my mum dont cry that easily as in both my parents dont like ppl crying ..
but as if i can control those tears ? as if I cld.
now frm just wanting to vent my anger,
everything turn the needle heads at me.

then mum starts complaining when brother fought back for me.
she say stop fantasting.
stay home the whole day didnt even bother helping her keep the clothes,
wash the bedsheet and clothes...
like she just expect me to do more,
never ever see the things I have done...
just expect more !!
at home, I am the only one that wil help out with the house chore that i swear.
i sweep the floor.
make my bed, my brother,
clean off the dust, wash the dishes, boil water..
take care of granny..
like one day, she expect me to finish all ?
when I am already emotional distorted ?
and having to do house work make it worse like some minors quarrels bet me and der ?
I even injury my hand when cleaning up ?
who knows ?
none, it hurt at certain angle of how I turn my arm .
like who knows ? NONE NONE !

just only,
my sister came home..
ask what happened..
mum told her, not fully..
she came and ask me.
I tell her the whole thing and she just scold me.
zaza I seriously dont understand u,
why must cry ? why must ?
if you think you hurt..
then scold him back larhs.
please, I aint her..
I dont scold any eldery of mine..
I hardly scold anyone can...
even those younger cousin who scream at me ?
like then how you expect me to scold back,
when it is just me..
what's wrong now?
i seriously dont understand.

so why can't people just stop complaining and barking up the wrong tree ?
why can't they just shuddup.
get the whole picture right before saying anymore thing that worsen my wound .
SHUT UP YOU !
I hoped to slp and get away from reality for a breathe..
till tmr,
I shall stay out the whole day....
I wont even answer any of my family calls.
they are simply so annoying man for now I meant...!!!

my dirty lil secrets___
4/08/2007 12:22:00 AM