Love me, adore me when you still can :D

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Neurotic.
the first time I came across this word, I just want to own it.

I just have this strong feeling that this is the word that best describe me somehow?

-somone who had mild mental disorder characterized by depression, anxiety, and hypochondria.

and is overanxious, oversensitive, or obsessive about everyday things.

wasn't that a great meaning? and it is really what I am, not ?

owells, having to say so much there is really so much that I wished to update you people just that time didnt allow me when we are all so indugled in our own life packed with all the punity matters and stuffs that rack up our life.

making it meaningless to strive and allowing us to catch a breathe of fresh air somehow.

I'm getting tired over the days I am leading with, having to have such a packed sheducle for whole of this month making me breathless.
DYING !

I didn't want to admit that I am ultimately tired from these craps.

what's love when you don't understand the other party man ?

it's really utterly bull shit aite.
that's also a main reason why I choose to turn deaf & blind to thing I didnt want to see or listen.

First and foremost, I really felt that the chemistry between me and rine is no wonder the same like the past after that incident. There's somehow a barrier that had stop this on going flow of words and emotions between us. On the surface, everyone will thinks that we are back to normal and had sort things out. In fact, I doubt so, as the feeling she gave me now is that I am no longer trusted or noted to be her best gf. To her, I am a gf who doesn't understand her at all. Even trying to steal the one she love.

wells, there's no one I could blame for this outcome.
all I knew is that I am at fault for it and I must get over and done with it.

hopefully, one day we will get back that closeness we used to be.

I'm actually surprised and touch when she and lynn came yesterday with a bouquet of flower in their hand at the end of my guitar IG's concert. they gave me that to encourage me to work hard, get well soon and to forgo all the unhapiness I went through these weeks.
I'm touch that I was teary inside. Yet I couldn't cry it out.
all these weeks, I have learn to cry it inside.
now that no tears could flow out no matter how down I am, I will just fall into abyss of depression, stoning and not being myself.
maybe the tears glance had dried up completely =)
haha . owells.

anyways,derrick came with em' which I didnt expect him to come larh.

since every time when I pestered him on MSN to get a ticket he will be see how and all the craps. was surprise to see him there with them. this shows that things are starting to be back like what it is in the past. then afterwhich, they went for supper at newton =)

was supposingly to be prata hse but then long story. read their blog for more infor.

not only that they were there. CHERN SHUN and his gf came to support me too =)

woah , surprisingly nah.
Edison came too ! but cause of Rona's mah. haha =p
anw, this is not the point.

the point is that the world is really so small that CS's gf turns out to be rine's classmate.
omg can =)
yeah. wells , that's why I always say that when you wanna gossip about someone,

might what you says , as you won't know if the stranger sitting beside you actually know the fellow you are gossiping about esp in a small harmonies country we lived in ! haha .

there's something I really couldnt understand,

why could guys confessed so easily ?

the point is that some of them just get to know the other party for less than a month yet he can actually fall for her ? that is so ironic can.

How can there be love when no understanding takes place?

You won't even know that you are in love with him/her unless things take places from time to time right?
And I didn't like guy's confessions. it always lead me not being able to be who I am infront of him as I knew that every step and action I took, it will mean alot to him.

so it is always best that I keep myself on track before things got off hand.

wells, what a crap. In a weeks , such thing can happend so rapidly and not once but twice?

shit ! freak larhs.
the thing is that somehow I felt that my heart stop pumping and I don't feel any love ard.
all that left is darkness and loneliness that I seems to enjoy it well.
I lovee to be pamper, to be in extras care of manys.

yet I dont feel that love in me.
am I neutrally dead in this thing called LOVE?

or is it that I just refuse to admit that LOVE did take place, esp when I got off track few days back till I pull myself back and things asked for a change ?

I am lost !

I could no longer see the light ray of the directions I'm heading...

if only I knew things will turn out this way...

I won't have even move out of my cozy zone then.

regrets are all that lead me on for now.... =))

I MISS LINY.

I MISS QI.

I MISS MIN.
I MISS APPLE.

I MISS CHRIS =)

these are the ones who hold on to me tight no matter what's gg to happen.

I promise that I won't let go any of your hand babies =)

my dirty lil secrets___
9/30/2006 12:17:00 PM